Emergency Relaxation

You want me to WHAT when I’m in crisis????!!!

That is often the type of response I get when I suggest, “Well, you need to relax.” But don’t worry. I’m not being as invalidating or insensitive as it may sound. I really do want my clients to relax at that point, precisely because they are feeling so overwhelmed, panicked, angry, or whatever it is that they are feeling. It is my response to how bad I believe it is for them, not my way of saying, “Oh come on!” “You need to get over this right now!”

It is at that point that I have found it beneficial to implement what I call an “emergency relaxation intervention.” And the emphasis is on the “emergency” part of the phrase. It should be the number one priority when in crisis to take care of yourself. Or to put it even more direct, it should be the only priority. It is necessarily a very simple procedure with very few steps.

This is how it goes: Inhale deeply and exhale slowly. While exhaling, visualize your body letting go of muscle tension EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE. Imagine that you can see your whole body, as if watching an X-ray machine. Or some way of seeing yourself from the inside out, and every muscle in your body is relaxing at the same time. Visualize your body deflating (i.e., relaxing). Like letting all of the air out of a balloon. The balloon doesn’t progressively deflate, from one part to the next. It goes down all at once. So your body can also relax, all at once.

In doing so you are switching off one part of your central nervous system (i.e., sympathetic nervous system) and switching on another (i.e., parasympathetic nervous system). Very basic, primitive, and physical. Not a mental activity at all. Don’t think, act.

The conversation in the office when I do this may sound like this:

Client: I can’t stop thinking about this! I feeling like I’m going out of my mind! I feel like I’m out of control and I feel like doing something really bad…….

Therapist: I am so sorry. That sounds…

Client: I am soooo angry! I had a panic attack last night. I almost went to the hospital! I don’t think I can breathe…….(crying) They shouldn’t have…

Therapist: OK. We need to do something right now so you can regain a sense of control. I need you to focus on me and bring yourself back to this room.

Client: I can’t! It wasn’t right that….

Therapist: No. We’re not talking about that right now. Focus on me and we’re going to do an “emergency” relaxation.

Client: But you don’t know how much they hurt me….

Therapist: No. We are not going to focus on that. I’m sorry your hurting, but I’m more worried about how you are feeling physically right now. This is not good for you to be so upset.

Client: But they shouldn’t have…

Therapist: We are not going to talk about that right now. I am worried about you being in this state. It’s not good for you. You need to give yourself a break from all of the stress and the chemicals that are flooding your body right now.

Client: What do you want me to do?

At that point, I guide the client through the above procedure. I explain that I want them to be able to do it without thinking. No need for “steps.” You can not think your way out of the problem. Thinking about it more will not fix it. You have already thought about it, playing out scenarios of what actually happened, as well as what you would like to do, over and over and over.

So, it is not as crazy or paradoxical as it sounds to say “relax” while in the middle of the crisis of the moment. It is something you can do physically to reduce the effects of the stress you feel. It is as ok for you to do as it would be to put a tourniquet on a bleeding, life-threatening wound. You would not worry about how the wound got there or how unfair it was that you have it. The focus would be on how to stop the bleeding. The same goes for bringing yourself down from a panic attack or mental meltdown! “You need to relax right now ……….”

Mark E. Hankla