“I Can’t Slow Down/ I Don’t Do Anything” – part 2.
In my previous post I described the kind of trauma reaction that involves being upset and agitated. The other common trauma reaction is to shut down. This condition is a lot like depression, but it is really an attempt to avoid reminders of the trauma. People try to avoid feelings that remind them of the trauma by numbing their emotions. Their attempt to avoid sensations that are reminders may take the form of becoming physically less sensitive to all sensations and avoiding activities that put them into contact with strong sensations.
People can change their behavior so that they spend less time with other people and less time engaging in challenging activities. They withdraw in an effort to avoid lots of things. Not opening the mail (or e-mail), leaving home only for essential activities, and cutting back on talking to friends or family are common results. Decreasing their participation in hobbies, interests, and exercise can also occur.
For people who are doing a lot of avoiding, engaging in therapy may be a really big challenge. Sometimes the last thing they want to do is go and talk to someone about the things they have been seriously avoiding. If you know someone who is struggling with this kind of avoidance you know that they will respond better to support and encouragement than the stress of confrontation. Encouraging them to gradually resume their participation in life may help. Letting them know that there are professionals out there who understand that they need support and reassurance in working with trauma issues and that there is a helpful treatment for their problem can help them to get back on the path of taking an active role in their own lives.
Bill Bonacker
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
"I Can't Slow Down/ I Don't Do Anything - part 1
“I Can’t Slow Down/ I Don’t Do Anything - part 1
We sometimes hear clients say that they can’t settle down, that they are always tense, hurrying or rapidly thinking about things. Feeling jumpy, and under pressure are also frequent problems. Sometimes the problem can be traced back to something that happened in the past. Something that has put the person on “red alert.” This condition may last long after the event that caused the upset or fear in the first place is over. Recent examples can be found in some veterans who have returned from a war zone and still feel on edge. They may recognize that they are now safe in their homes but don’t feel very safe or calm.
In persons who have had traumatic experiences this can be the mind’s way of trying to cope with the experience by staying alert for any future threat or danger, an attempt to find safety.
One of the tasks of therapy is to help these people recognize these attempts to protect themselves because they are sometimes unrecognized. People think that they are just nervous, especially if they have been repeatedly told this by friends and family. Once a person has found the connection between their “red alert” lifestyle and its protective purpose, we can work on finding a sense of realistic safety. We can work on making changes to help protect from real threats and teach calming techniques to deal with threats that are not present any more. Yes, it’s a lot easier to describe than it is to do. Like most persistent problems it will take some sustained effort and much support and encouragement.
Bill Bonacker
We sometimes hear clients say that they can’t settle down, that they are always tense, hurrying or rapidly thinking about things. Feeling jumpy, and under pressure are also frequent problems. Sometimes the problem can be traced back to something that happened in the past. Something that has put the person on “red alert.” This condition may last long after the event that caused the upset or fear in the first place is over. Recent examples can be found in some veterans who have returned from a war zone and still feel on edge. They may recognize that they are now safe in their homes but don’t feel very safe or calm.
In persons who have had traumatic experiences this can be the mind’s way of trying to cope with the experience by staying alert for any future threat or danger, an attempt to find safety.
One of the tasks of therapy is to help these people recognize these attempts to protect themselves because they are sometimes unrecognized. People think that they are just nervous, especially if they have been repeatedly told this by friends and family. Once a person has found the connection between their “red alert” lifestyle and its protective purpose, we can work on finding a sense of realistic safety. We can work on making changes to help protect from real threats and teach calming techniques to deal with threats that are not present any more. Yes, it’s a lot easier to describe than it is to do. Like most persistent problems it will take some sustained effort and much support and encouragement.
Bill Bonacker
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Mindfulness and Sustained Recovery from Depression
Mindfulness and Sustained Recovery from Depression
A study focusing on factors related to those affected by episodes of recurrent depression found that in the first episode of depression, 50% of subjects had experienced a traumatic triggering event, while in the second episode this number was 20%, and in the third, 10%. These findings suggest that our thoughts can assume the power of an actual set-back. Even when feeling well, people remain vulnerable to recurrent episodes of depression due to mental associations formed between mood and negative thinking patterns, so that mild states of depression can reactivate negative thinking patterns that can result in a full-blown episode of depression. Sustained recovery from depression depends on learning how to keep mild states of depression from spiraling out of control. Mindfulness is helpful in reducing these downward mood spirals.
So what are these downward mood spirals and how can mindfulness be helpful? Often when starting to feel low, people react as if their emotions were a problem to be solved, they attempt critical thinking strategies, re-double efforts to use them when they do not work, and then end up over-thinking, brooding, and ruminating which only succeeds in prolonging and deepening the mood spiral. “What has gone wrong, why is this happening to me, where will it all end?” This can result in a return of negative thinking, “What is wrong with me? I’m back to square one. This is horrible. It will always be this way.” This negative thinking can become a pattern which then results in another episode of depression.
And how can mindfulness be helpful? Mindfulness can be helpful in reducing downward mood spirals in many ways. One way is in by having more awareness of mind states one can recognize earlier the beginning of the spiral and “nip it in the bud” earlier than before. Another way that mindfulness can be helpful is by teaching us how to focus on the present moment rather than re-living the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness also helps us to shift mental gears from a state of mind dominated by critical thinking to one in which we experience the world directly, non-conceptually, and non-judgmentally. So rather than having resistance to unwanted emotions and thoughts or getting caught up in them, one increases their willingness to experience them, allowing for them to come and to go while being held in awareness with acceptance and compassion.
Jaci Pekarek
A study focusing on factors related to those affected by episodes of recurrent depression found that in the first episode of depression, 50% of subjects had experienced a traumatic triggering event, while in the second episode this number was 20%, and in the third, 10%. These findings suggest that our thoughts can assume the power of an actual set-back. Even when feeling well, people remain vulnerable to recurrent episodes of depression due to mental associations formed between mood and negative thinking patterns, so that mild states of depression can reactivate negative thinking patterns that can result in a full-blown episode of depression. Sustained recovery from depression depends on learning how to keep mild states of depression from spiraling out of control. Mindfulness is helpful in reducing these downward mood spirals.
So what are these downward mood spirals and how can mindfulness be helpful? Often when starting to feel low, people react as if their emotions were a problem to be solved, they attempt critical thinking strategies, re-double efforts to use them when they do not work, and then end up over-thinking, brooding, and ruminating which only succeeds in prolonging and deepening the mood spiral. “What has gone wrong, why is this happening to me, where will it all end?” This can result in a return of negative thinking, “What is wrong with me? I’m back to square one. This is horrible. It will always be this way.” This negative thinking can become a pattern which then results in another episode of depression.
And how can mindfulness be helpful? Mindfulness can be helpful in reducing downward mood spirals in many ways. One way is in by having more awareness of mind states one can recognize earlier the beginning of the spiral and “nip it in the bud” earlier than before. Another way that mindfulness can be helpful is by teaching us how to focus on the present moment rather than re-living the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness also helps us to shift mental gears from a state of mind dominated by critical thinking to one in which we experience the world directly, non-conceptually, and non-judgmentally. So rather than having resistance to unwanted emotions and thoughts or getting caught up in them, one increases their willingness to experience them, allowing for them to come and to go while being held in awareness with acceptance and compassion.
Jaci Pekarek
Friday, January 27, 2012
Mindfulness and Reactions
When we discuss “mindfulness” it may sound like an abstract concept that is nice in theory but difficult to implement in practice. But it doesn’t need to be something difficult, complicated, or mysterious. You can practice mindfulness in very specific and targeted ways to change your experience and behavior.
An example would be to understand your state-of-mind before an interaction with another person occurs to help temper your response. More specifically, what is your mood, what are your expectations, how are you likely to interpret words or behaviors?
I bring this up because on numerous occasions over the past few weeks when working on communication and relationship skills, I’ve needed to create a simple starting point. The solution I’ve used is for each individual to concentrate on how to affect change within their own sphere of influence, and not expect to control or force change in others. In other words, take ownership of your reactions before you worry about others changing their actions.
Oh sure, I understand that relationships are two-way streets. At some point people need to see some mutual change and effort. How the other person behaves or acts is important. But believe me, making your change contingent or dependent on the other person changing first, or at least simultaneously, means nothing will change! It will never happen!
And this is where “mindfulness” comes in. For example, if you are in a bad mood, feeling cranky, or still remembering something you are upset about with a friend or partner, then you are more likely to interpret anything they do as somehow an affront to you. But can it really be true that the other person’s behavior, mannerisms, mood, etc., are meant as an affront or attack on you? Every time? Really?!!
You can be mindful that something the other person does bothers you. For instance, let’s say the other person involved seems to obsess about an issue, like being on time for everything. You may feel like that person is just “nagging” you to hurry up. Asking “are you ready yet?” all of the time. If you get angry, what are you really angry about? Is it really worth a fight, as if he or she does this just to attack you or make you miserable? What does the conflict do to the relationship?
Using mindfulness means that although you can acknowledge that you find the other’s behavior annoying or irritating, you can also acknowledge that she or he may just be distressed at the thought of being late. Perhaps they feel embarrassed when late. That has very little if anything to do with you. It’s just the way he or she feels, and wants to avoid feeling that way. So before reacting, take a deep breath, or a moment to gather your thoughts. The other person can’t just stop feeling stress about “being on time.” That is a part of their makeup and personality. But you can, by being mindful, change your response. Learn to slow down, consider alternate reasons and motivations for the other’s behavior (e.g., maybe they don’t mean to nag).
Less needless conflict means less stress and tension (for both of you). A less tense environment means the other person may be able to relax and not obsess as much about being on time. Now that’s a win-win situation.
Mark E. Hankla
When we discuss “mindfulness” it may sound like an abstract concept that is nice in theory but difficult to implement in practice. But it doesn’t need to be something difficult, complicated, or mysterious. You can practice mindfulness in very specific and targeted ways to change your experience and behavior.
An example would be to understand your state-of-mind before an interaction with another person occurs to help temper your response. More specifically, what is your mood, what are your expectations, how are you likely to interpret words or behaviors?
I bring this up because on numerous occasions over the past few weeks when working on communication and relationship skills, I’ve needed to create a simple starting point. The solution I’ve used is for each individual to concentrate on how to affect change within their own sphere of influence, and not expect to control or force change in others. In other words, take ownership of your reactions before you worry about others changing their actions.
Oh sure, I understand that relationships are two-way streets. At some point people need to see some mutual change and effort. How the other person behaves or acts is important. But believe me, making your change contingent or dependent on the other person changing first, or at least simultaneously, means nothing will change! It will never happen!
And this is where “mindfulness” comes in. For example, if you are in a bad mood, feeling cranky, or still remembering something you are upset about with a friend or partner, then you are more likely to interpret anything they do as somehow an affront to you. But can it really be true that the other person’s behavior, mannerisms, mood, etc., are meant as an affront or attack on you? Every time? Really?!!
You can be mindful that something the other person does bothers you. For instance, let’s say the other person involved seems to obsess about an issue, like being on time for everything. You may feel like that person is just “nagging” you to hurry up. Asking “are you ready yet?” all of the time. If you get angry, what are you really angry about? Is it really worth a fight, as if he or she does this just to attack you or make you miserable? What does the conflict do to the relationship?
Using mindfulness means that although you can acknowledge that you find the other’s behavior annoying or irritating, you can also acknowledge that she or he may just be distressed at the thought of being late. Perhaps they feel embarrassed when late. That has very little if anything to do with you. It’s just the way he or she feels, and wants to avoid feeling that way. So before reacting, take a deep breath, or a moment to gather your thoughts. The other person can’t just stop feeling stress about “being on time.” That is a part of their makeup and personality. But you can, by being mindful, change your response. Learn to slow down, consider alternate reasons and motivations for the other’s behavior (e.g., maybe they don’t mean to nag).
Less needless conflict means less stress and tension (for both of you). A less tense environment means the other person may be able to relax and not obsess as much about being on time. Now that’s a win-win situation.
Mark E. Hankla
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Trauma and Health
Long-term health effects of trauma. Inevitable: yes or no?
It has been known for a long time that victims of trauma, especially childhood trauma, are also more likely to experience a myriad of health issues. Now, a new study published by the American Heart Association found an enhanced incidence of cardiovascular disease among women who had experienced childhood abuse, especially repeated sexual molestation and rape. Children who experienced severe physical abuse were slightly less affected, but still significantly so. In this incidence the main culprit was identified as significant weight gain and obesity among women who had been sexually abused.
Sadly, therapists who work with severely abused and traumatized clients often see those clients have physical ailments such as autoimmune disease, gastrointestinal issues, cancer, asthma, cardiovascular disease, COPD, and on and on. We see it so often that it is almost expected before we first meet such a client that there will be health issues as well.
There is a wealth of published material one can find to help explain what happens physically to traumatized people for those who want to read up on the subject. For our purposes here, I am not going to go into depth or use scientific terms to explain the chemical and physiological changes that occur in response to trauma. The focus for this blog entry is simply to attempt to answer the question, “Is there anything you can do about it?”
I believe the short answer to that question is “yes.” To simplify it, think of it this way. If you walk around throughout the day in a state of hypervigilance, nerves on-edge, with muscle tension throughout the body, never able to relax or sit still, and a disturbance of appetite (either lacking or too much), then your body is under attack. At a minimum you will be affected by health issues such as high blood pressure, ulcers, and body aches and pain. Add to that sleep disturbances so you never get the rest you need for optimal physical and mental functioning, and you have a real recipe for medical problems.
Now imagine that you learn coping methods that reduce the constant muscle tension, allow you to relax, reduces hypervigilance, and returns your digestive system to a more normal functioning status. Increased quality and quantity of sleep would in turn improve mental and physical functioning and endurance. A body no longer under the constant attack of tension and stress would have a better functioning immune system that could better fight off diseases and slow down the problems associated with the aging process. So, if you know that you are in the high-risk group described above, take action. Find a way to achieve greater relaxation. Exercise, participate in Yoga classes, learn to meditate, or any number of other healthy activities. Find a good trauma therapist who can help you resolve the issues related to the trauma and abuse. You can take steps to reduce your risk of severe health issues linked to a history of childhood abuse, as well as other types of trauma and suffering.
Mark E. Hankla, MA, LIMHP
It has been known for a long time that victims of trauma, especially childhood trauma, are also more likely to experience a myriad of health issues. Now, a new study published by the American Heart Association found an enhanced incidence of cardiovascular disease among women who had experienced childhood abuse, especially repeated sexual molestation and rape. Children who experienced severe physical abuse were slightly less affected, but still significantly so. In this incidence the main culprit was identified as significant weight gain and obesity among women who had been sexually abused.
Sadly, therapists who work with severely abused and traumatized clients often see those clients have physical ailments such as autoimmune disease, gastrointestinal issues, cancer, asthma, cardiovascular disease, COPD, and on and on. We see it so often that it is almost expected before we first meet such a client that there will be health issues as well.
There is a wealth of published material one can find to help explain what happens physically to traumatized people for those who want to read up on the subject. For our purposes here, I am not going to go into depth or use scientific terms to explain the chemical and physiological changes that occur in response to trauma. The focus for this blog entry is simply to attempt to answer the question, “Is there anything you can do about it?”
I believe the short answer to that question is “yes.” To simplify it, think of it this way. If you walk around throughout the day in a state of hypervigilance, nerves on-edge, with muscle tension throughout the body, never able to relax or sit still, and a disturbance of appetite (either lacking or too much), then your body is under attack. At a minimum you will be affected by health issues such as high blood pressure, ulcers, and body aches and pain. Add to that sleep disturbances so you never get the rest you need for optimal physical and mental functioning, and you have a real recipe for medical problems.
Now imagine that you learn coping methods that reduce the constant muscle tension, allow you to relax, reduces hypervigilance, and returns your digestive system to a more normal functioning status. Increased quality and quantity of sleep would in turn improve mental and physical functioning and endurance. A body no longer under the constant attack of tension and stress would have a better functioning immune system that could better fight off diseases and slow down the problems associated with the aging process. So, if you know that you are in the high-risk group described above, take action. Find a way to achieve greater relaxation. Exercise, participate in Yoga classes, learn to meditate, or any number of other healthy activities. Find a good trauma therapist who can help you resolve the issues related to the trauma and abuse. You can take steps to reduce your risk of severe health issues linked to a history of childhood abuse, as well as other types of trauma and suffering.
Mark E. Hankla, MA, LIMHP
Saturday, November 12, 2011
This Is SO Not About Football
Following the Penn State news has made it a tough week for lots of us—those who experienced childhood sexual abuse and those who strive to help them heal from the long-term harm caused by that abuse. It’s not just the sexual exploitation, damaging as that is, that harms a child. For many victims who develop post-trauma disorders, it is more than the anguish of being used, raped, humiliated by a perpetrator. The response and non-response of other adults can constitute a betrayal that leaves a decades-long impact.
As satisfying as it may be to hear that one perpetrator has been temporarily removed from the general public, there is no doubt that thousands of serial pedophiles have been allowed to continue abusing kids because they are “pillars of the community,” are well known, would be angry if someone complained. Penn State is one small example of what has happened, and continues to happen every day, when other adults witness, hear about, or suspect child sexual abuse. Otherwise responsible adults walk away, pretend that they did not see or hear, whisper to other adults, worry about the perpetrator’s reputation and their own. Rarely does the non-protective adult speak to that child at all, much less provide comfort or support.
Psychology calls it cognitive dissonance—the psychological disconnect between recognition of the perpetrator as a criminal and the accustomed image of protective parent, loving grandparent, dedicated member of the clergy, conscientious teacher, or devoted Scout leader. We know that those conflicting social images are what cause abused children to think “Everybody knows that he/she is a good person. It must be me. I must deserve this.”
So it’s a good thing that one perpetrator has been arrested and a few enabling adults has been removed from leadership positions. But what about all of the child victims that have not yet been identified, in Pennsylvania and Nebraska and elsewhere? The adults who were once those youngsters? The years of fear and pain that don’t end when a child grows up? It’s a good thing that Penn State took some action. It is not nearly enough.
Sherry Cox
As satisfying as it may be to hear that one perpetrator has been temporarily removed from the general public, there is no doubt that thousands of serial pedophiles have been allowed to continue abusing kids because they are “pillars of the community,” are well known, would be angry if someone complained. Penn State is one small example of what has happened, and continues to happen every day, when other adults witness, hear about, or suspect child sexual abuse. Otherwise responsible adults walk away, pretend that they did not see or hear, whisper to other adults, worry about the perpetrator’s reputation and their own. Rarely does the non-protective adult speak to that child at all, much less provide comfort or support.
Psychology calls it cognitive dissonance—the psychological disconnect between recognition of the perpetrator as a criminal and the accustomed image of protective parent, loving grandparent, dedicated member of the clergy, conscientious teacher, or devoted Scout leader. We know that those conflicting social images are what cause abused children to think “Everybody knows that he/she is a good person. It must be me. I must deserve this.”
So it’s a good thing that one perpetrator has been arrested and a few enabling adults has been removed from leadership positions. But what about all of the child victims that have not yet been identified, in Pennsylvania and Nebraska and elsewhere? The adults who were once those youngsters? The years of fear and pain that don’t end when a child grows up? It’s a good thing that Penn State took some action. It is not nearly enough.
Sherry Cox
Monday, October 3, 2011
Emergency Relaxation
You want me to WHAT when I’m in crisis????!!!
That is often the type of response I get when I suggest, “Well, you need to relax.” But don’t worry. I’m not being as invalidating or insensitive as it may sound. I really do want my clients to relax at that point, precisely because they are feeling so overwhelmed, panicked, angry, or whatever it is that they are feeling. It is my response to how bad I believe it is for them, not my way of saying, “Oh come on!” “You need to get over this right now!”
It is at that point that I have found it beneficial to implement what I call an “emergency relaxation intervention.” And the emphasis is on the “emergency” part of the phrase. It should be the number one priority when in crisis to take care of yourself. Or to put it even more direct, it should be the only priority. It is necessarily a very simple procedure with very few steps.
This is how it goes: Inhale deeply and exhale slowly. While exhaling, visualize your body letting go of muscle tension EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE. Imagine that you can see your whole body, as if watching an X-ray machine. Or some way of seeing yourself from the inside out, and every muscle in your body is relaxing at the same time. Visualize your body deflating (i.e., relaxing). Like letting all of the air out of a balloon. The balloon doesn’t progressively deflate, from one part to the next. It goes down all at once. So your body can also relax, all at once.
In doing so you are switching off one part of your central nervous system (i.e., sympathetic nervous system) and switching on another (i.e., parasympathetic nervous system). Very basic, primitive, and physical. Not a mental activity at all. Don’t think, act.
The conversation in the office when I do this may sound like this:
Client: I can’t stop thinking about this! I feeling like I’m going out of my mind! I feel like I’m out of control and I feel like doing something really bad…….
Therapist: I am so sorry. That sounds…
Client: I am soooo angry! I had a panic attack last night. I almost went to the hospital! I don’t think I can breathe…….(crying) They shouldn’t have…
Therapist: OK. We need to do something right now so you can regain a sense of control. I need you to focus on me and bring yourself back to this room.
Client: I can’t! It wasn’t right that….
Therapist: No. We’re not talking about that right now. Focus on me and we’re going to do an “emergency” relaxation.
Client: But you don’t know how much they hurt me….
Therapist: No. We are not going to focus on that. I’m sorry your hurting, but I’m more worried about how you are feeling physically right now. This is not good for you to be so upset.
Client: But they shouldn’t have…
Therapist: We are not going to talk about that right now. I am worried about you being in this state. It’s not good for you. You need to give yourself a break from all of the stress and the chemicals that are flooding your body right now.
Client: What do you want me to do?
At that point, I guide the client through the above procedure. I explain that I want them to be able to do it without thinking. No need for “steps.” You can not think your way out of the problem. Thinking about it more will not fix it. You have already thought about it, playing out scenarios of what actually happened, as well as what you would like to do, over and over and over.
So, it is not as crazy or paradoxical as it sounds to say “relax” while in the middle of the crisis of the moment. It is something you can do physically to reduce the effects of the stress you feel. It is as ok for you to do as it would be to put a tourniquet on a bleeding, life-threatening wound. You would not worry about how the wound got there or how unfair it was that you have it. The focus would be on how to stop the bleeding. The same goes for bringing yourself down from a panic attack or mental meltdown! “You need to relax right now ……….”
Mark E. Hankla
That is often the type of response I get when I suggest, “Well, you need to relax.” But don’t worry. I’m not being as invalidating or insensitive as it may sound. I really do want my clients to relax at that point, precisely because they are feeling so overwhelmed, panicked, angry, or whatever it is that they are feeling. It is my response to how bad I believe it is for them, not my way of saying, “Oh come on!” “You need to get over this right now!”
It is at that point that I have found it beneficial to implement what I call an “emergency relaxation intervention.” And the emphasis is on the “emergency” part of the phrase. It should be the number one priority when in crisis to take care of yourself. Or to put it even more direct, it should be the only priority. It is necessarily a very simple procedure with very few steps.
This is how it goes: Inhale deeply and exhale slowly. While exhaling, visualize your body letting go of muscle tension EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE. Imagine that you can see your whole body, as if watching an X-ray machine. Or some way of seeing yourself from the inside out, and every muscle in your body is relaxing at the same time. Visualize your body deflating (i.e., relaxing). Like letting all of the air out of a balloon. The balloon doesn’t progressively deflate, from one part to the next. It goes down all at once. So your body can also relax, all at once.
In doing so you are switching off one part of your central nervous system (i.e., sympathetic nervous system) and switching on another (i.e., parasympathetic nervous system). Very basic, primitive, and physical. Not a mental activity at all. Don’t think, act.
The conversation in the office when I do this may sound like this:
Client: I can’t stop thinking about this! I feeling like I’m going out of my mind! I feel like I’m out of control and I feel like doing something really bad…….
Therapist: I am so sorry. That sounds…
Client: I am soooo angry! I had a panic attack last night. I almost went to the hospital! I don’t think I can breathe…….(crying) They shouldn’t have…
Therapist: OK. We need to do something right now so you can regain a sense of control. I need you to focus on me and bring yourself back to this room.
Client: I can’t! It wasn’t right that….
Therapist: No. We’re not talking about that right now. Focus on me and we’re going to do an “emergency” relaxation.
Client: But you don’t know how much they hurt me….
Therapist: No. We are not going to focus on that. I’m sorry your hurting, but I’m more worried about how you are feeling physically right now. This is not good for you to be so upset.
Client: But they shouldn’t have…
Therapist: We are not going to talk about that right now. I am worried about you being in this state. It’s not good for you. You need to give yourself a break from all of the stress and the chemicals that are flooding your body right now.
Client: What do you want me to do?
At that point, I guide the client through the above procedure. I explain that I want them to be able to do it without thinking. No need for “steps.” You can not think your way out of the problem. Thinking about it more will not fix it. You have already thought about it, playing out scenarios of what actually happened, as well as what you would like to do, over and over and over.
So, it is not as crazy or paradoxical as it sounds to say “relax” while in the middle of the crisis of the moment. It is something you can do physically to reduce the effects of the stress you feel. It is as ok for you to do as it would be to put a tourniquet on a bleeding, life-threatening wound. You would not worry about how the wound got there or how unfair it was that you have it. The focus would be on how to stop the bleeding. The same goes for bringing yourself down from a panic attack or mental meltdown! “You need to relax right now ……….”
Mark E. Hankla
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