How Much Fear?
We all know that there are many things to be afraid of. Bad economic conditions, health concerns and, sometimes, other people. We also know that when we are afraid, our bodies and minds experience changes. In his extensive work as a military psychologist, Dave Grossman has written about the effects of fear. He has described five levels or "conditions" and the effects of each of them.
In condition white, we experience our normal resting heart rate and feel calm and relaxed. As we become more alarmed, our heart rate rises from a normal rate of 60 to 80 beats per minute (bpm) through condition yellow (around 100 bpm) to condition red (from 115 to 145 bpm). Dr. Grossman says that in this range, we are at our best for performing complex physical activities and have optimal reaction time for responding to danger. This is not a comfortable state.
If we become even more distressed, our heart rate increases and our bodies experience additional changes. Breathing speeds up. We become less effective. Our ability to make complicated decisions decreases we experience changes in vision and hearing and most of our bodies resources are dedicated to simple physical activities important to survival. This is the state commonly known as "fight or flight." Dr. Grossman labels this as condition gray. Above 175 bpm, we enter Dr. Grossman's condition black. Our thinking may become irrational; we may experience a temporary shut down or freeze. We may still be able to run or fight but doing anything more complicated is unlikely.
Obviously, these reactions have been essential to our survival for centuries. The problem is that although most of us don't run into situations that are so dangerous that conditions red and above are helpful, our bodies go there anyway. Stress and panic reactions can be triggered by reminders of past danger or intense worries about loss or harm. Learning to calm ourselves when no immediate physical danger is present becomes an important skill. In order to function but our best we need to use our physical and mental resources most effectively and stay below condition red most of the time. There are a number of ways to do this ranging from breathing exercises to changing the way we think about the things that happen to us. In future posts, I'll go into more depth about managing our fear reactions. For now, remember to breathe.
Bill Bonacker
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Self Injury
Self-Injury
Self-injury refers to the deliberate, direct destruction of body tissue that results in tissue damage, such as cutting, burning, scratching, or hitting oneself. The person’s intention is not to kill oneself. So why is it then that people self-injure? One theory is that self-injury serves as a form of coping and as a preferable alternative to suicide. Self-injury may be used for emotion regulation when used as a distraction from emotional pain by causing physical pain, to feel alive or real, to relieve tension, to feel numb or at peace, or to feel euphoric feelings. Another theory is that self-injury serves as a form of communication of pain, anger and other emotions, or need for help.
Treatment for those who self-injure includes addressing the function of the behavior and learning alternative coping skills. One treatment that specifically focuses on stopping self-injury and that research has shown to be effective is Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Until alternative healthy coping strategies have been learned and underlying issues addressed, substitution behaviors can be used when having the urge to harm oneself. They are done by matching an activity to the feeling the person is having when wanting to self-injure. For example, doing something physical, when angry, or doing something that creates a strong physical sensation, when wanting to feel something.
Warning signs for family and friends include social withdrawal, injuries, scars, secrecy, excuses for wounds, defensiveness, wearing long sleeves or pants in warm weather, and finding objects used for self-injury in odd places. As for what to do and what not to do if suspecting self-injury. Don’t ignore it, blame yourself, get angry, demand answers, or demand that they stop. Do pay attention, express concern, listen, encourage the expression of emotions, and let your loved-one know that you are there for them and want to help them find the help they need.
Jaci Pekarek
Self-injury refers to the deliberate, direct destruction of body tissue that results in tissue damage, such as cutting, burning, scratching, or hitting oneself. The person’s intention is not to kill oneself. So why is it then that people self-injure? One theory is that self-injury serves as a form of coping and as a preferable alternative to suicide. Self-injury may be used for emotion regulation when used as a distraction from emotional pain by causing physical pain, to feel alive or real, to relieve tension, to feel numb or at peace, or to feel euphoric feelings. Another theory is that self-injury serves as a form of communication of pain, anger and other emotions, or need for help.
Treatment for those who self-injure includes addressing the function of the behavior and learning alternative coping skills. One treatment that specifically focuses on stopping self-injury and that research has shown to be effective is Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Until alternative healthy coping strategies have been learned and underlying issues addressed, substitution behaviors can be used when having the urge to harm oneself. They are done by matching an activity to the feeling the person is having when wanting to self-injure. For example, doing something physical, when angry, or doing something that creates a strong physical sensation, when wanting to feel something.
Warning signs for family and friends include social withdrawal, injuries, scars, secrecy, excuses for wounds, defensiveness, wearing long sleeves or pants in warm weather, and finding objects used for self-injury in odd places. As for what to do and what not to do if suspecting self-injury. Don’t ignore it, blame yourself, get angry, demand answers, or demand that they stop. Do pay attention, express concern, listen, encourage the expression of emotions, and let your loved-one know that you are there for them and want to help them find the help they need.
Jaci Pekarek
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Trust
Relationships and Trust
“I can’t trust anymore”
A very common issue discussed in therapy is a feeling that “trust” is forever broken and therefore its impossible to have fruitful and rewarding relationships. After betrayal and deceit, most people would understand at least a temporary pulling back of trusting feelings and the need for more verification and reassurance in interpersonal relationships. But for some people, trusting is such an internal battle and causes such distress they have difficulty maintaining relationships. An enduring lack of trust erodes the basis of a relationship, and can lead to behaviors (e.g., controlling, jealousy, accusations, stalking) that can end relationships outright.
Psychologist Dr. William R. Stone once defined trust as “the ability to predict how someone is going to act.” In healthy situations, confidence in predicting another’s behavior is most often correlated to the length of time that person has been known and her or his behavior observed. There are real criteria and guidelines we can use to gauge the reasonableness of the trust we put in others. But “predicting how someone is going to act” is an imperfect science and there is always some risk involved. Unfortunately people regularly hurt one another, and betrayal of trust is often identified as the most damaging part of the hurtful act.
There is more to feelings of trust and distrust than how one person feels about another. Some people direct their feelings of distrust toward the individual or individuals who they feel betrayed them. Some react by becoming suspicious of practically everyone and develop a very dark and malevolent world view. Still others direct their feelings of distrust inward as they doubt their ability to discriminate between trustworthy and deceitful people, effectively blaming themselves. Perhaps not surprisingly, some people report all of the above as their reasons for not trusting, which usually is accompanied with very high levels of emotional distress.
So what can a person do if they if they feel they cannot trust? First of all, think of feelings of distrust as anxiety toward allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Emotions are internal messengers and the discomfort of anxiety is like a dashboard warning light. Would you stop driving altogether if a warning light came on? Probably not. A responsible driver would take steps to find out why the light was on and attend to the problem, which would result in the light switching back off. Then you could resume driving normally.
Deciding not to trust at all may reduce the anxiety (at least temporarily), but it would prevent good relationships from forming. So like the driver, acknowledging the internal warning and attending to your needs is the place to start. And where is it written that you are supposed to trust without question, or that different levels of trust are not appropriate? Listen to the anxiety, take into account why it is there, and make an informed decision about how much trust you are willing to give someone. Coping with anxiety does not mean dismissing it or its message, so healthy coping does not mean that you have to put yourself at risk. Talk to trusted friends to get others’ perspectives on trusting in similar situations. High anxiety may indicate you have trauma experiences that you need professional help to resolve. Talking out your deepest fears can help you gain a healthier perspective, and who knows, maybe you can start to trust again!
Mark E. Hankla
“I can’t trust anymore”
A very common issue discussed in therapy is a feeling that “trust” is forever broken and therefore its impossible to have fruitful and rewarding relationships. After betrayal and deceit, most people would understand at least a temporary pulling back of trusting feelings and the need for more verification and reassurance in interpersonal relationships. But for some people, trusting is such an internal battle and causes such distress they have difficulty maintaining relationships. An enduring lack of trust erodes the basis of a relationship, and can lead to behaviors (e.g., controlling, jealousy, accusations, stalking) that can end relationships outright.
Psychologist Dr. William R. Stone once defined trust as “the ability to predict how someone is going to act.” In healthy situations, confidence in predicting another’s behavior is most often correlated to the length of time that person has been known and her or his behavior observed. There are real criteria and guidelines we can use to gauge the reasonableness of the trust we put in others. But “predicting how someone is going to act” is an imperfect science and there is always some risk involved. Unfortunately people regularly hurt one another, and betrayal of trust is often identified as the most damaging part of the hurtful act.
There is more to feelings of trust and distrust than how one person feels about another. Some people direct their feelings of distrust toward the individual or individuals who they feel betrayed them. Some react by becoming suspicious of practically everyone and develop a very dark and malevolent world view. Still others direct their feelings of distrust inward as they doubt their ability to discriminate between trustworthy and deceitful people, effectively blaming themselves. Perhaps not surprisingly, some people report all of the above as their reasons for not trusting, which usually is accompanied with very high levels of emotional distress.
So what can a person do if they if they feel they cannot trust? First of all, think of feelings of distrust as anxiety toward allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Emotions are internal messengers and the discomfort of anxiety is like a dashboard warning light. Would you stop driving altogether if a warning light came on? Probably not. A responsible driver would take steps to find out why the light was on and attend to the problem, which would result in the light switching back off. Then you could resume driving normally.
Deciding not to trust at all may reduce the anxiety (at least temporarily), but it would prevent good relationships from forming. So like the driver, acknowledging the internal warning and attending to your needs is the place to start. And where is it written that you are supposed to trust without question, or that different levels of trust are not appropriate? Listen to the anxiety, take into account why it is there, and make an informed decision about how much trust you are willing to give someone. Coping with anxiety does not mean dismissing it or its message, so healthy coping does not mean that you have to put yourself at risk. Talk to trusted friends to get others’ perspectives on trusting in similar situations. High anxiety may indicate you have trauma experiences that you need professional help to resolve. Talking out your deepest fears can help you gain a healthier perspective, and who knows, maybe you can start to trust again!
Mark E. Hankla
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