The Three “What” Questions of Crisis
Management
I recently attended a meeting of
Mental Health care providers who provide parenting classes for divorcing
couples with children. During the meeting, one of the participants shared one
of the tools that she uses to help the parents conceptualize how to manage the
stress of “crisis” moments. She called it one of the principles of “Reflective
Practice,” and to think of it as the most important three “what” questions to
ask yourself when something distressing occurs. Specifically, the three
questions are: “WHAT happened?”; “So WHAT?”; and “WHAT now?”
WHAT HAPPENED? This refers to an
honest, objective assessment of the event without adding value judgment or
other extraneous thoughts about it. Not minimizing or catastrophizing about the
event, but describing it realistically. For example, if there has been an
accident, describe it. Describe injuries if they occurred. If there has been a
fight or disagreement, just describe it. What happened, who did what to whom? Stick
to the facts.
SO WHAT? This refers to the actual consequences of the event, not
how you feel about it. If you had an argument with someone and the two of you
are not talking, describe it. Refrain from using energy thinking about how the
person is a jerk or much you wish you could get even with him or her for
treating you badly. If you or someone you care about suffered a financial
hardship and paying bills is going to be a problem, describe it. It does not
include feelings and judgments such as how unfair it is. Those things might
seem very important to you, but they don’t help you actually manage or cope
with the situation.
NOW WHAT? This stage refers to
planning what you need to do now given the situation that results from what has
already passed. If there is a rift in a relationship that you want to repair,
what steps can you take to repair it? If someone has hurt you and is likely to
hurt you again, what steps are needed to keep yourself safe? If there has been
an accident with injuries, what steps are needed to help heal the injuries in
the best manner possible? If you are facing a financial hardship, what steps
are needed to cope with it?
Dealing with events or crisis in
such a way will free you from the chains that emotional crisis (different from
the actual physical effects of the event) place on you. If it helps, write it
down using the three “what” questions to help you sort out your response. You
will find that a lot of what we think about in stressful situations keeps us
from being effective, and actually helps keep the stress, and therefore the
suffering, going.
Mark E. Hankla, MA
