One of the factors contributing to the development of
borderline personality is living in an invalidating environment during
childhood. Growing up in a home where
you are told what you think and feel rather than being allowed to think and
feel for yourself. An all too common
example is “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” You can
probably think of other parental statements that communicate that what the
child experiences is unacceptable. These
have the effect of undermining a child’s ability identify what they do think, feel, want, fear. This
can create big problems that last into adulthood.
The alternative is a validating parenting approach in which
the child is told “I know that you want that”, I understand that you don’t want
to go to bed”, “I can see that you feel sad”, “that makes you angry”. This does not mean that you agree with the
child or allow the child to do harmful things.
It does not impair your ability to discipline or direct. It does
communicate to the child that she is heard and that she is a person who has
feelings, wants and preferences. This is
essential learning for children.
Bill
No comments:
Post a Comment